What Sikh teachings say
Sikhi does not ask parents to raise perfect children; it asks them to raise children who remember the Divine, speak kindly, work honestly and see everyone as equal. Gurbani describes a mother's blessing that her child should never forget Waheguru, even for a moment. Children learn this far more from what they see at home than from what they are told.
Gurbani teaches that sweetness and humility are the essence of goodness. In daily family life this means patience, gentle speech, fairness between siblings and between daughters and sons, and respect for elders and for people of every background. A home where the Guru's word is heard — even briefly each day — gives children a steady sense of belonging.
The Sikh Rehat Maryada asks parents to keep their children's hair (kesh) uncut and to bring them up in the Sikh way of life. How that is done — which Banis a family reads together, how often they visit the Gurdwara, how they explain the Sikh form — is lived out differently in every home. What matters most is warmth, consistency and example rather than pressure.
The practice — Sikhi in everyday family life
There is no special ceremony for childhood in the Sikh Rehat Maryada. Instead, upbringing is shaped by simple daily practices: saying "Waheguru" on waking, listening to or reciting a short Bani, joining Rehras Sahib or Kirtan Sohila in the evening, and ending the day with a few words of Ardas.
Many families introduce the dastaar or patka to boys, and care for and cover the kesh of all children, as part of ordinary routine. Visits to the Gurdwara, sitting in the Sangat, helping in the langar and listening to stories from Sikh history help children feel that Sikhi is theirs, not something imposed on them.
Children also learn by joining in seva — handing out water, cleaning shoes, serving food. Small acts done alongside parents often teach humility and equality more deeply than any lesson.
What the Sikh Rehat Maryada says
The Sikh Rehat Maryada is the Panth’s code of conduct, published by the SGPC. Points below summarise it in plain language; consult the official text for exact wording.
- The Sikh Rehat Maryada asks Sikh parents to keep their children's hair (kesh) intact.
- It describes bringing children up in the Sikh faith, and educating them in it, as a responsibility of Sikh parents.
- It forbids the killing of infant daughters and asks Sikhs to have no association with those who do so; daughters and sons are equal.
Regional & family customs
These practices vary by region and family. They are not religious requirements — families may follow, adapt or set them aside.
- Tying a child's first patka or dastaar at a small family or Gurdwara gathering — a meaningful custom in many families, not a required ceremony.
- Sending children to weekend Gurmat or Punjabi classes at the local Gurdwara — widely valued, but arrangements vary by place.
- Celebrating birthdays with an Ardas, Karah Prashad or a visit to the Gurdwara — a family choice.
- Wearing a kara from a young age — common in many Sikh families, whether or not the child has taken Amrit.
- Children taking part in kirtan or gatka classes — enriching activities that depend on local availability and the child's interest.
What families can do
- Choose one short daily moment for Gurbani together — even five minutes of kirtan or a few lines of Japji Sahib — and keep it gentle and regular.
- Tell stories from Sikh history and sakhis at bedtime, making clear which are historical and which are traditional accounts.
- Take children to help in langar seva so they learn by doing, side by side with you.
- Explain kesh and the dastaar with pride and openness, and help children answer questions from friends calmly.
- Treat daughters and sons exactly alike in chores, freedom, education and expectations.
- Model the values you want to see: honest words, kind speech at home, and no talk of caste or status.
Relevant Gurbani
ਪੂਤਾ ਮਾਤਾ ਕੀ ਆਸੀਸ ॥ ਨਿਮਖ ਨ ਬਿਸਰਉ ਤੁਮੑ ਕਉ ਹਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਸਦਾ ਭਜਹੁ ਜਗਦੀਸ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Pootaa maataa kee aasees. Nimakh na bisarau tumh kau har har sadaa bhajahu jagadees.
My child, this is your mother's blessing: may you never forget the Divine, even for a moment — may you always remember the Lord of the world.
ਮੇਰੇ ਬੱਚੇ, ਇਹ ਤੇਰੀ ਮਾਂ ਦੀ ਅਸੀਸ ਹੈ: ਤੂੰ ਇੱਕ ਪਲ ਲਈ ਵੀ ਰੱਬ ਨੂੰ ਨਾ ਭੁੱਲੇਂ — ਸਦਾ ਜਗਤ ਦੇ ਮਾਲਕ ਨੂੰ ਯਾਦ ਰੱਖੇਂ।
A parent's deepest wish for a child: never to forget the Divine.
ਮਿਠਤੁ ਨੀਵੀ ਨਾਨਕਾ ਗੁਣ ਚੰਗਿਆਈਆ ਤਤੁ ॥
Mithat neevee naanakaa gun changiaaeeaa tat.
Sweetness and humility are the essence of all virtues and goodness.
ਮਿਠਾਸ ਅਤੇ ਨਿਮਰਤਾ ਸਾਰੇ ਗੁਣਾਂ ਅਤੇ ਚੰਗਿਆਈਆਂ ਦਾ ਤੱਤ ਹਨ।
Sweetness and humility — the everyday qualities a Sikh home tries to nurture.
ਮਨ ਤੂੰ ਜੋਤਿ ਸਰੂਪੁ ਹੈ ਆਪਣਾ ਮੂਲੁ ਪਛਾਣੁ ॥
Man toon jot saroop hai aapanaa mool pachhaan.
O my mind, you are an embodiment of the Divine Light — recognise your own origin.
ਹੇ ਮੇਰੇ ਮਨ, ਤੂੰ ਰੱਬੀ ਜੋਤ ਦਾ ਰੂਪ ਹੈਂ — ਆਪਣੇ ਮੂਲ ਨੂੰ ਪਛਾਣ।
Helps children see themselves as carrying the Divine Light, a source of confidence and dignity.
Common questions
At what age should children start wearing a patka or dastaar?
There is no fixed age in the Sikh Rehat Maryada. Families usually begin when the child's hair is long enough and the child is comfortable, making it a positive and gradual step.
My child resists daily path. Should I insist?
Gentle consistency usually works better than force. Keep it short, sit together, explain the meaning in simple words, and let the child choose a shabad sometimes. Love for Gurbani grows best without fear.
Is it wrong if we cannot visit the Gurdwara every week?
No. Regular Sangat is valuable, but Sikhi is also lived at home. Daily remembrance, honest living and seva can be practised anywhere.
How do we answer children who are teased about their kesh or turban?
Listen first and take their feelings seriously. Help them understand the meaning of the Sikh form, practise simple answers, and speak to the school if bullying continues.
Sources & further reading
- Sikh Rehat Maryada, SGPC
- Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Ang 441
- Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji, Ang 470